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NHL QUICK SHOTS
By Josh Brewster | June 18, 2009

Brian Burke's
'Can of Whoop'

A classic fragrance for discriminating hockey guys with a spine

JUNE 18, 2009 -- Brian Burke ushered in the NHL off-season by dealing frankly with today's hottest news item, the trade demand by Ottawa's Dany Heatley. It was classic Burke, straightforward and mildly profane. It's the kind of honesty that's in short supply in the oh-so-corporate NHL, where so many utterances are pre-packaged with public relations taking precedence over the truth. Burke's attitude toward player and executive conduct should be distilled into a fine fragrance, one which emits a bold, honest scent, and also acts as a major B.S. repellant.

After all, who amongst us could emit so much as a moment's worth of baloney in the face of such a compelling and rare fragrance? Perhaps Macy's or Eaton's could

Dany Heatley
Requested trade from Senators

carry it, with an NHL logo emblazoned on the side, with a photo of Burke staring blankly at the camera, similar to many of Burke's corporate headshots. You know, the ones that seem to say "go ahead, lie to me...just try it," or "I'm two minutes late for a one-minute meeting, make it snappy."  Call it Brian Burke's 'Can of Whoop' (as in "open up a can of whoop a--" as the saying goes).

Heatley captured the Calder Trophy as the NHL's top rookie in 2001-02 with the Atlanta Thrashers, then recorded two 50-goal seasons with the Ottawa Senators after being traded for Marian Hossa.

Recently, Heatley made his trade request public, evidently with the blessing of his agents, J.P. Barry and Stacey McAlpine, should have had enough sense to keep a lid on the situation, in the interest of maximizing Ottawa GM (and good dude) Bryan Murray's leverage in pulling off the transaction.

Heatley has completed just one season of a six-year, $45M contract extension. In the salary cap age, Heatley's cap hit presents enough of a problem in luring potential suitors. The Heatley camp's decision to go public put Murray at a disadvantage. This caught the eye of Burke, who, with tons of money available in salary cap room for 2009-10, was considered a potential suitor for a trade, despite the fact that the Senators and Leafs are division rivals.

Burke appeared on the NHL Live! radio show (also simulcast on TV simulcast via the NHL network) Wednesday with hosts Deb Placey and Billy Jaffe, and opened up a can of his signature fragrance.

"We're not going to be in on that," Burke stated. "He's a good player but I have certain guidelines on how players ask for trades."

"When you have players come ask you for a trade, I tell the players 'don't finish that sentence,' because once you ask, I'm going to move you," Burke stated. "If a player wants out, you're darn right I'm going to move you."

The fragrance--and here's where it gets really refreshing--reached maximum effect just a moment later.

"I'm not kissing anyone's ass to play in my town, so to hell with you, don't finish the sentence. My second rule is if I hear about this, you're not going anywhere."

Hopefully, more players and GM's are listening. The NHL is known to have the most gentlemanly players, much more approachable than other sports. The honorable thing for Heatley to have done would have been to shut his big yap.

"For a player to pop off and say he wants out or leak it, in my mind you are now no longer interested in your team. If you've done that you've handicapped them, you've handcuffed your GM. As long as you are on that team, you owe them to maximize the asset, and once you've taken that step, sorry I don't accept that."

In this day of "partnership" between the players and management, an age where fortunes are tied up in a tightly-controlled salary cap, fissures in management and player relationships are more counterproductive than ever.

Burke is staying true to his word from past episodes regarding player and executive conduct. The "fragrance" emitted by Burke with regard to Heatley is the same one that was in the air surrounding Kevin Lowe's signing of Dustin Penner to an offer sheet in the Summer of 2007. Burke has a code of conduct in which he believes mightily, and to his credit, does not waver. He's still at odds with Lowe over the Penner matter. In fairness, Lowe played by the rules of the salary cap-age NHL. But the conduct, not the letter of the law, was what rankled Burke, and that, hockey fans, is refreshing.

Unbridled truth, and utterances unencumbered by public relations talking points. Burke is in the no-spin zone, as Bill O'Reilly likes to say, and it sure smells good. More GM's should apply a splash of Burke's fragrance, and let the players take a whiff.

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